It is quite common for a person to wish that things could have been done differently following the death of a loved one, and this can lead to feelings of guilt. For example, a bereaved person may think that they should have done more to prevent the death or to have lived up to their own expectations in their relationship with the deceased when the deceased was alive.
Guilt is an emotion based on self-evaluation against inner standards, which are influenced by the moral codes in specific cultures. Two of the most frequently encountered components of guilt in bereavement counselling are self-blame and regret.
Self-blame and regret
Self-blame usually refers to making assumptions and self-attributing a role to oneself in the cause or events of the death. It also involves a sense of personal fault due to failure to live up to standards of the deceased or one’s self.
Regret is seen as involving painful thoughts and feelings about past actions in relation to the deceased, feelings associated with unfinished business with the deceased in general, or the perception that one could have done things differently.
The Effect of the Cause of Death
The cause of death is considered one of the risk factors for increased levels of guilt and the rate of this feeling varied significantly and studies have found that a non-natural death increases the risk of experiencing intense guilt.
Other studies have found that levels of guilt correlated with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, and prolonged grief disorder (PGD) among people that suffer the loss of a loved one in a catastrophe, and among adolescents affected by the suicide of someone close to them.
Guilt is also more present in bereavement due to a suicide than in other kinds of grief. People grieving over the loss of a loved one to suicide experience higher levels of guilt than people grieving over other causes of death.
As death by suicide is considered to be an avoidable death, and has social stigma associated with it, this is seen to explain why people that have suffered the suicide of a loved one experience more feelings of guilt than in other kinds of death, as they think they could have prevented or avoided that outcome.
References:
- Camacho, D., Pérez-Nieto, M. Á. and Gordillo, F. (2018). Cause of Death and Guilt in Bereavement: The Role of Emotional Regulation and Kinship. Journal of Loss & Trauma, 23(7).
- Li, J., Tendeiro, J. N. and Stroebe, M. (2019) Guilt in bereavement: Its relationship with complicated grief and depression. International Journal of Psychology, 54(4).
- Stroebe, M. et al. (2014) Guilt in Bereavement: The Role of Self-Blame and Regret in Coping with Loss. PLOS ONE, 9(5).
- Weinberg N (1994). Self-blame, other blame, and desire for revenge: factors in recovery from bereavement. Death Studies, 18(6).
