Grief is a natural process that is our human way of emotional healing. The impact of grief can manifest in a number of ways:
- Behaviourly – it can disturb one’s sleep by causing vivid dreams and/or nightmares; one’s appetite can be affected to cause comfort eating or diminished appetite; a person may become avoidant of other people; and it may cause bouts of crying;
- Physical sensations such as tightness in the chest or throat, a dry mouth, lack of energy or breathlessness may start to occur;
- Cognition (our mental processes include thinking, knowing, remembering, judging, and problem-solving) may be affected due to disbelief, confusion or hallucinations;
- Feelings such as numbness, fear, shock, anxiety, worthlessness, guilt, relief, anger, resentment and depression may arise.
All too often this normal process gets stalled, sidetracked or pushed underground, leading to unresolved or complex grief which lasts much longer. It is much more severe and intense, can get worse over time and interfere with a person’s ability to function in daily life.
Anticipatory Grief
A grieving process can occur even when we sense that a loss is going to happen, but we don’t know exactly when or what it is yet. This can lead to anticipatory grief which can manifest as:
- Hypervigilance with a person scanning for possible threats and preparing for worst case scenarios;
- Persistent anxiety and feeling overwhelmed which can lead to “freezing up” when faced with decision making or cause procrastination to avoid doing tasks;
- Constantly feeling that things aren’t the same which triggers grief and a sense of loss;
- Feeling totally exhausted.
Summary
Grief can come in waves where there are dark days when it seems as though nothing can ever be right again. But there will also be better days when the pain eases and it is possible to begin to hope and believe in the future again.
References:
A full list of references is available in the Reference Material section.
- Barnet, L. ed. (2009) When Death Enters the Therapeutic Space: Existential Perspectives in Psychotherapy and Counselling. Hove: Routledge.
- Heyse-Moore, L. (2009) Speaking of Dying – A Practical Guide to Using Counselling Skills in Palliative Care, London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
- Lendrum, S. and Syme, G. (2004) Gift of Tears: A Practical Approach to Loss and Bereavement in Counselling and Psychotherapy. 2nd ed. Hove: Routledge.
