Current professional literature highlights that the death of a child is followed by a grief process that is unique to parents and may be lifelong.
A research study, with a sample of 43 bereaved parents, highlighted a continuing connection between parents and their deceased child as bereaved parents look to integrate both the experience of the death of their child, and their deceased child, into their lives.
Continued Connections
The respondents in the study noted at least one way in which they still felt connected to their deceased children. Parents in the study described experiences in daily life, such as when listening to music, or seeing visual reminders of their children, that kept them connected and resulted in a feeling of their child’s presence. Many also described actively maintaining a connection by visiting their children’s gravesides, praying, or talking with them.
The report authors state they heard numerous reports of spiritual after-death encounters with a deceased child. These included visions, physical sensations, dreams, and a variety of other experiences that made the parents feel connected to the child and seemed to help them in dealing with their grief.
Impact on the Bereavement Process
Although spiritual factors play a role in health and illness, they are often overlooked or disregarded because of their intangible quality.
The majority of parents described these experiences as positive. Some felt happy and peaceful afterwards and that they were closer to their child. Some felt comforted because the experiences confirmed that their child was in a safe place, with other deceased family members or with God. For them, this was confirmation of an after-life.
At times these experiences were also difficult and painful as several parents spoke of their frustration in wanting to believe that these were true connections rather than illusions produced by their own mind. Frustration was also expressed by some about not being able to console their child any longer, wanting to be with their child, and to know that she or he was happy.
Summary
The study showed that the parents who experienced a continued connection to their dead child derived psychological benefits from the connection.
The experiences described by bereaved parents in the study:
- Supported parents’ perceptions of their children’s unique qualities;
- Allowed them to maintain their identity as parents of that child;
- Provided reassurance, hope, and a sense of peace in a time of confusion and despair in their grief;
- Helped them to manage better on a day-to-day basis and to tolerate the uncertainty and ambiguity of life and death.
References:
A full list of references is available in the Reference Material section.
- Barnet, L. ed. (2009) When Death Enters the Therapeutic Space: Existential Perspectives in Psychotherapy and Counselling. Hove: Routledge.
- Somanti, M and August, J (1997). Parental Bereavement: Spiritual Connections with Deceased Children. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 67 (3).
